One thing that binds a lot of us when we are not our ideal weight or feeling the way we want to feel health-wise, is often this feeling of being 'not good enough,' like who we are doesn't count unless we get the stick figure celeb look down pat.
It binds us in unspoken community because there are so many of us and yet, we mostly choose to suffer in silence, alone, as though we uniquely face this struggle by ourselves. Unaware that our neighbour next door, may be going through the very same self-loathing and lack of love.
At the core of it is a lack of accepting who we are or a lack of loving ourselves for who we are. And, believe it or not, this exists as a totally separate issue from our weight and wellness. Yes, we can be fat and very happy and full of self-love. And we can be skinny and still hate ourselves. These things are not mutually exclusive, yet we usually collapse them together, creating stories that sound like, "I'll be happy when I'm 30lbs lighter," or "I'll take that vacation when I'm 30lbs lighter," or, "My marriage will get better when I'm 30lbs lighter." I've heard all of that before! But I've also heard "I'm 100lbs overweight and my husband hasn't noticed I've gained weight, and still wants me."
Now, I am ALL for using those feelings of ickiness about our situation to be the propeller for CHANGE - or rather - transformation. That is Tony Robbin's type stuff, isn't it? Associate that with 'pain' and move away from the pain into a life of pleasure. This can be a very powerful motivator to start losing weight.
And there's a big but.
Once you choose the journey to the new You, it actually has to happen inside a framework of self-love! Anything else and it's just a 'fix.' When you view yourself as broken, the actions you take are to 'fix' what's broken. On a subconscious level, that registers in many negative ways, and can actually push you to self-sabotage yourself. You've told yourself you're broken! So of course your body is going to protect that self-created reality by showing you it's true. Opportunities to break down further are going to show up! Furthermore, your 'fix' of taking on healthy eating might not come across as empowering self-love, and instead be seen as torture, avoidance of your favourite sugary foods, cruel, something you need to cheat on or rebel against, because you won't be told what to do (by yourself or anyone else!). And then this can land you in a process whereby you take on nutritional changes but only for a limited time, until you feel deprived again and decide to cave in. Oh, the oft-hated yo yo situation!
So, that is the issue with starting your journey off purely on the 'I'm broken' pathway.
Luckily, there IS something you can do about it, AND - you're human. Congratulations! You have inherited a slightly up-graded monkey mind that will never be perfect, but it's all yours for this lifetime. And some days you will be bang on with the self love and other days you may fall off for a bit but that's normal and okay. In fact, making that 'wrong' just doesn't work! We ALL have monkey minds here!
Here is one of my favourite tips from two new books I'm reading: Get Rich Lucky Bitch and the book Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Health, Wealth, Peace & More.
Here is the secret:
I want you to write down, in a list, all of the incidents, people, places, times, examples where you felt gross, fat, ugly, overweight, incompetent, or anything else that has led you to this point. Anything that comes to mind, and it may not be an exhaustive list, but if it comes up, write it down! Maybe it's the reasons behind why you emotionally eat - like your boss is a total b-i-t-c-h. Write that all down too. Anything that you think might even remotely be connected to the way your body looks, feels, performs, and functions right now that carries any hint of a negative charge about it, or how you feel about it right now. Put your OWN beliefs on that list and the times even YOU sabotaged you. Put it all! It might takes hours or even days but just get started. I promise it's worth it.
Once you have your list, the key is to use the ancient Hawaaiin method of 'cleansing' and emotionally 'decluttering' your mind of all this toxic crap that will tend to sabotage you in the background or make you feel 'broken.'
These are the 4 Phrases to say to EACH item on your list. If we're going by Zero limits, it's
"I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you."
If you more so resonate with the phrases in Lucky Bitch, they are "I forgive you. I'm sorry. I love you."
Thank you - is to thank that situation for the lessons
I forgive you / please forgive me - is to release the emotional charge to the memory (a charge that can clutter and sabotage you). Forgiveness is not about condoning here, but about no longer being held emotionally victim to that situation.
I'm sorry - is to acknowledge your part or responsibility in the situation
I Love You - is meant to address the higher self or spirit of the person (beyond the body that they may be driving around, in this particular lifetime).
Now, even if it feels weird, or like it isn't working, both these authors PROMISE that it is. And I have to say, in doing it myself, I even repeated the phrase several times with certain items on my list, until the emotional charge was just drained away entirely.
Getting up from that exercise left me feeling pounds lighter to begin with (emotionally anyways - I've completed my physical weight loss!), but more importantly, it creates a clear space for us to show up with self-love, and begin (or continue) our weight loss and wellness journeys for OURSELVES, not from needing to fix what's broken about us - but to support and love ourselves.
I promise you that doing this will totally SHIFT how you experience your weight loss journey, and therefore, the results you get from it! Say goodbye to self-sabotaging, rebelling against nutritional eating, and all that other junk. Say hello to Self-Love and choosing nutritious foods to support your journey and your goals!
And hey, I'm not saying you can never eat Brie again, right? It's all about moderation done the right way!
PS - Stay tuned for instalment two of self-loving your way to weight loss - because there's one more powerful trick up my sleeve for you!